Spanky and Darla's

I knew upon entering that I had walked into a strange, magical world of abundant alcohol and depraved debauchery.  To start, the bar's TV was showing the Mets winning 17-1.  17-1!!! I didn't think the Mets had scored 17 runs in the entire history of the team,  let alone in one game.  Even stranger was the couple drunkenly making out - which is of course fine when the time is right - when it was not even 9 PM yet!!

The normal laws of the matrix clearly do not apply at Spanky and Darla's AKA Cheap Shots (its old name) AKA THE GREATEST BAR EVER.  Seriously, you should go right now.

The best way to describe what makes the bar so special is to explore thoroughly just how bad of a business model they seem to have.  It just seems absolutely impossible that the bar makes any money given how ridiculously cheap the alcohol is, and far more plausible that the whole establishment is only a cover for a drug-fueled kangaroo prostitution ring that thrives in a back room somewhere.  But who are we to complain?? The main deal comes on the pitchers of beer; Miller High Life pitchers are available for a mere seven dollars!!! We came with a big group of people, led by my wildly popular friend Liz and our terrifyingly insane friend Jane, and the result was that it seemed like there was always a new pitcher of beer on the table.  Everyone wants to step up and buy the next pitcher when the pitchers are so, so cheap!

But honestly, describing how cheap the pitchers of beer are only begins to capture Spanky Danky's (my nickname for the bar) wonderfulness, and this brings us back to the theme of just how bad this place seems to be at making any money.  The waitress really doesn't seem to care about what you pay for and what you don't.  Of course, when she asks for money, you have to pay, but she definitely only asked us for money some of the time and whenever we tried to estimate how many pitchers we had ordered since the last time we paid, she consistently underestimated.  If Maia gets to marry the hunky bartender from The Sunburnt Cow,  I get to marry this bartender.  Yet this would be difficult, because she found the girls in our group vastly more interesting than the guys.  TIP: Bring girls!! You will get lots of free shots!! We got at least two rounds of free shots, perhaps three.  Even when you pay for shots, they are cheap (four dollars), but when you start getting shots for free this place actually becomes some kind of heaven on earth for cheap drinking.  It is impossible to not get drunk.  So, in summary, the business model: free shots for customers, really cheap beer, really cheap shots, not keeping track of how many pitchers customers order.  Please go to this bar before it shuts down when the Feds bust the kangaroo prostitution ring.